Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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