Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
