i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
