Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
