and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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