We're like a lot better than the average bears
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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