sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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