So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
