Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
