I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Your cock deserves a montage
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
