Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
