Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
