I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
