I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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