tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
