I think I died a long time ago.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
