My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
