Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
