Plan B is the new Plan A
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
