I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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