My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
