babies were throwing up all over the place
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
