Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
