when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
