dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
