if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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