I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
