is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we're making bets on your personal life
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
