A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
