then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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