I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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