omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
