she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
