i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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