after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
