you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
my shit smells like andre
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
