You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
