You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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