Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
