You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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