I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
