shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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