I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
