Can i not drive my cunt home
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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