Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
