yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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