My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
