An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
