hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
