So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
