her vagina looked like bernie madoff
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
