i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
