if i can run in heels then i can drive
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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