then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
