you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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