So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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