Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
