apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
