he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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