I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
