It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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