If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
